To jump or not to

When I wake up in the mornings, I feel tired, no--exhausted.

My mind has been exercising too much lately. It goes beyond what I just am allowed to do with my time. It flies away and does not cooperate with me and my body.

After, I'd feel disappointed for not being able to do what my mind has told me to do. With this, I neglected a lot of things. I've been busy externally, and my insides are craving for some rest, for spiritual refuge. For real food. The internet has a lot to do with this.

I wanted to be straightforward. Share my thoughts in my blog, but ended up wasting away plenty of minutes getting lost in social media. It does present a lot of things I wish I can do, and I think I can do.

I wanted to cook more, but because I wake up late I often ended rushing for work every morning. And no matter what, I'd still be so late and confused whether I'd eat breakfast or not.

I have wanted to plan away. A plot for escape and to open up in a whole new world. A different way to greet my morning, but tonight, I have reached the next day just because I spent the night on the Internet searching, searching for what I should do in the next next days, when I decide to cut one string from this life, and connect a new one.

There are times when I think I'm very sick, my very core is protesting for all the troubles I've put myself into.

I'd have mistakenly identify myself with my career. When it ends, I felt like I'd be lost in a stormy ocean. Without an identity. But all material designations are temporary anyway, so why be scared?

Why not jump now in the ocean? Why not?